Why do women decide to have a lover?

To better understand why some women decide to have a lover, a study conducted by the dating site Gleeden took a closer look at the motivations behind female infidelity. After surveying 11,000 married women, the results revealed several recurring themes, with one of the most striking findings being that seven out of ten women said they preferred having a younger lover, ideally around 34 years old. This preference wasn’t just about age—it was about how these younger men made them feel.

Many women explained that being with a younger man gave them a renewed sense of youth and boosted their self-esteem. These lovers often showed more interest in their thoughts, careers, and personal lives compared to their husbands or men their own age. This kind of attention made them feel seen and appreciated in a way they hadn’t experienced in their marriages for a long time. A lack of communication was another major factor that led women to seek companionship outside their marriage. The study found that couples who spent less than thirty minutes a day talking were more likely to experience infidelity.

When communication breaks down, emotional connection often fades too. Women in the study described feeling emotionally neglected and disconnected, which opened the door for someone else to step in and fill that void. Along with poor communication, many women said they simply didn’t feel valued in their relationships. They missed the small gestures that once made them feel special—like thoughtful compliments, surprise hugs, or a simple show of appreciation. Over time, the absence of these moments led to a deep sense of emotional dissatisfaction. This emotional emptiness drove them to seek out someone who could make them feel important again. Another reason women gave was a lack of empathy from their partners.

They felt their husbands no longer made an effort to understand them or relate to their emotions. Without emotional support, they felt alone—even while sharing a life with someone. When another person came along who seemed to care, listen, and truly try to understand them, the emotional connection became too powerful to ignore. In some cases, infidelity was rooted in revenge. Several women admitted that their decision to cheat was directly related to their husbands’ own unfaithfulness. Rather than leaving the marriage, they chose to retaliate by having an affair of their own. It wasn’t always about wanting to hurt their spouse—it was about reclaiming control in a relationship where they felt powerless or disrespected.

Another factor involved physical dissatisfaction. Many women still loved their husbands but felt unfulfilled in their intimate lives. Rather than confronting the issue or risking conflict, they quietly sought satisfaction elsewhere while continuing to maintain their day-to-day family lives. They kept their secrets not because they didn’t care, but because they believed this arrangement allowed them to stay in the marriage without sacrificing their own needs. Perhaps the most common reason women gave for being unfaithful was that they no longer felt loved. They said the warmth, affection, and attention that once made them feel valued had disappeared. They missed the connection that came from being genuinely cared for, and when someone else offered that, they felt drawn to it. These women weren’t always looking to end their marriages—in fact, many still loved their husbands. But they were struggling with emotional needs that had gone unmet for too long. Whether it was the lack of conversation, feeling invisible, or simply needing to feel attractive and appreciated again, the reasons behind their actions were often layered and deeply personal. The study ultimately shows that female infidelity is rarely just about physical desire. It’s about emotional gaps, unmet needs, and the complex realities of long-term relationships. While not everyone may agree with the choices these women made, understanding their reasons can lead to deeper conversations about love, communication, and what it truly means to feel valued in a relationship.

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